The world is rapidly changing around us and we are treading some new waters together.
I was debating if I should publish an article this week with all that is going on, but then I realized that in times like these our ability to manage our mindset and remain positive is even more critical.
I am certainly not an expert so what I am sharing today is my personal story, what I am learning and what I am doing right now to remain calm, present and positive for myself, my family and my team …
I have to admit that the past two days felt very yucky and heavy for me — not only at work but also at home — as I read so many articles and watched the news coverage my mind went into a negative spiral…
I have talked about the concept of riding the “red train” and “blue train” with you… in summary, you can “ride the blue” train of empowerment, enthusiasm, and creativity — when amazing results follow. Or you can “ride the red train” of defensiveness, negativity and anger — when you feel stuck.
Even though I strived to remain positive and calm at work, when I got home and allowed it all to sink in, I realize I was in the “red train”. I felt anxious and afraid for myself, for my family (especially my dad who is considered “at risk”), for all my friends and my work family.
But as I shared before, the first step in managing our mindset is awareness and the best way to become aware of our thoughts is to pay attention to our feeelings… Feelings are our guidance system and my feelings last night were clear, I wasn’t feeling very good at all (this may be an understatement).
As I became aware, I asked myself…
“Ok, so you have been learning a lot about this mindset stuff, what a great opportunity to put it all into practice… what can you do to get back in the blue train?”…
I went back to what I learned when I was in the hospital with my dad for 4 weeks during the Holidays… my dad was in a very critical condition and we didn’t know if he was going to make it…
It was so easy to spiral down with negative thoughts about all the things that I wish I had/hadn’t said or done… or to worry about all the things that could happen and were completely out of my control.
Instead I decided that I needed to remain calm, positive and present for my dad and my family so I intensely read and learned some practices and tools that helped me manage my mindset during a very difficult time.
Here are the things I did then and started doing now, in case it helps you:
- Focus on the present moment — don’t regret the past or worry about the future (more on that below because that is the hardest part)
- Focus on what is within your control — take any action you feel you need to take now, then move on, stop worrying about it (i.e. buy the supplies you need, make any arrangements you need — take the action that is within your control)
- Be present for your loved ones — we all need to come together and help each other, but focus on being the “light” in the darkness (don’t join forces to spiral down together, faster)
- Distance yourself as much as possible from the news, social media(I was driving myself crazy checking the news all the time — the news coverage is feeding the fear, get the information you need and disconnect as much as possible)
I wanted to share more on “focus on the present moment” because that was an absolutely critical lesson I learned when I was in the hospital with my dad.
I somehow came across the book “The Power of Now” from Eckhart Tolleand that was a game-changer for me… it kept me sane, positive and allowed me to be the best daughter and sister I could be at that time.
Here are some highlights from the book, sourced from FourMinuteBooks.com that may inspire you as well during this time:
1-Sentence-Summary: The Power of Now shows you that every minute you spend worrying about the future or regretting the past is a minute lost, because really all you have to live in is the present, the now, and gives you actionable strategies to start living every minute as it occurs.
Life is just a series of present moments.
- The reason we regret and worry about a lot of things lies in the way our minds work. The constant stream of consciousness and thoughts in our head, which plays 24/7 in our heads, is mostly preoccupied with 2 things: the past and the future.
- Tolle says that the only important time is the one we think about the least: the present. The reason only the present matters is that everything happens here. Everything you feel and sense takes place in the present.
- When you think about it, the past is nothing more than all present moments that have gone by, and the future is just the collection of present moments waiting to arrive.
All pain is a result of resistance to the things you cannot change.
- Tolle argues that pain is nothing more than the result of you resisting to all the things you cannot change.
- We think a lot about the future and the past, but can live only in the present and therefore have no means to change many things from the other two that we’re unhappy about. Then we fill the gap between these by developing a resistance to these things, which is what we experience as pain, whether psychological or physical.
- When you’re angry, that anger usually makes you think and act less rational, which more often than not results in a worse situation and thus, more pain — but it’s really all in your head.
- When you criticize, condemn, or complain, you aren’t accepting reality. Instead, you are rejecting reality in favor of your expectations or thoughts about what reality should be. And in doing so, you will end up less happy than if you accepted the situation you’re facing and figured out a productive path forward.
You can free yourself from pain by constantly observing your mind and not judging your thoughts.
- Constantly ask yourself: “What will my next thought be?” It says that you can freeze any system in its current state by constantly observing it. Asking yourself this question over and over will usually delay your actual next thought, thus giving you enough time to realize how much time you actually spend in autopilot mode. This way you can start interrupting your mind and thus separating from it.
- Stop judging your thoughts and urges. Listen to your body and learn to accept the constant, nagging thoughts in your head, about what you should be doing or not doing. The next time you do wake up late for work, just listen to that voice that says “You should’ve done better!”, but don’t act on it. Notice it, see it, accept that it’s there, but don’t give in to its advice.
These tools and practices can help you become aware and separate yourself from your always-on, thought-driven mind. You’ll be less anxious because you won’t resist the things you can’t change and will be more focused on the present moment where your true power lies.
I hope sharing this helps… please stay safe, present, positive and calm… for yourself and for one another. We need to be the light in the darkness. We need to come together and share our true colors in times of difficulty, because we are #StrongerTogether.
I am here for all of you… if you want to chat please send me a private message on Facebook, LinkedIn or via email at tatiana@supermindsetcoaching.com
Big “virtual” hugs, Tatiana
